Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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