I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
