We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Enjoy the penises
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
