Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
