Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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