we have officially lost it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
