We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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