We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
