Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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