I am puke
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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