Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
