I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
