Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
