the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
