This is not my ceiling
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
