i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
