Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
