it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
