So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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