i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize