I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
