Me. At least after what I've been through.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
