I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
