Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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