I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
nutella sex= disaster
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
