ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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