he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
