I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
