dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
