Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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