I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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