Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
