White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So much rum. So many feels.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
