oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
