she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
