You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize