I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
