is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
