Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
