God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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