you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my liver is dry heaving
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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