honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
