Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize