he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
