So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
