I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
