I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
