Your mouth is God's brothel.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
