I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
