I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
