OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no. you can't hotbox the world.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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