It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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