i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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