called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
