btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
