chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
