Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think my moral compass just broke
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
