You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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