take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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