today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
