You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
