he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
