oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
