I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
