maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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