I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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